The voices and words of Lady J are from the world she had to learn to live in while growing up in a family that did not understand that what they called discipline then would be tantamount to child abuse by todays standard. Coupled with being extremely sensitive to not only my surroundings, also to touch. Which I believe in part increased the dissociate behavior on my part. As the fifth child I was suppose to follow the example of my older siblings. My parents often said in later years that I never listened to them which was why I was hit so much. When they would yell I would dissociate from the sound which then brought out more anger when I was hit.

I understand that these things were not known in those years. What bothers me most today is that for all the knowledge that is known about all the conditions that they have labels for now, my family still does not recognize or validate these facts. I understand mostly that they have no need to and it's my belief that never felt the same as I did and only have their narrow view to believe in. I'm the one that is labeled mentally ill and my conditions are only an excuse to justify my own behavior.

Even after I allowed them to read my first story of my life, in my words and opinions, the greatest offenders told me I was lying, creating a great story as I always had, and one even said that I never told my father the through because I would have to admit my own complacency in what happened. I chose not to tell him, one for the fear he would have to make a choice between my mother and brothers and myself. The greatest thought was that I did not want him to feel bad for his last years over something he had no control over and nothing could be changed about it.

My family think that I blame them for my life and condition which if they ever decided to get educated they would know that this is the farthest from the truth as they could get. I had to accept my family and my condition so long ago that it makes me laugh when I hear anyone say that. Those of us who grew up all those years ago all have had to accept that was was normal and acceptable back then yet still caused the creation of many different conditions even though what they considered real trauma and abuse, yes, even some still today think that way, was all that we can think of it. Unless they want to consider that we were born with the chemical imbalance that cause us to perceive our world differently then the others.

We'll never know that for sure, so it makes no sense to argue about it. Our lives was what is was, We survived/lived it the best we could, Made our way out of it and live what we can like today. The effects are still with me, yet I've learned so much that it has made most of my life ok. It was those years between making the connection with the cause and the life I had lived up to that point that has left the largest scars on my spirit. This story a "Dragon Tale" was LadyJ's way of giving purpose and some brief education to anyone who found themselves behind that door in their own dark place. Mostly she says "Just look for the light".

May you enjoy my look on life and some of the brief lessons learned along the way. They are good lessons for anyone to use in their life. My beliefs have come from years of listening and implimenting what worked for me into my world. I'm not a person to push any special belief system onto anyone, yet by reading many, I have learned that they all speak of the same thing and there are many good words of wisdom to be learned from them.

May your journey be safe and my your life be full of Light, Jacki M SeiWell